apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
