I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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