I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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