having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
