Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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