i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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