what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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