I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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