the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
