i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
