a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Terrible idea I love it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
