Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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