I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
