She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
