I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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