She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
