did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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