She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
