3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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