So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
