I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
