gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
