Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
