You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
