At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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