is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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