Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
