but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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