I'm gonna have a badass scar
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
