Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
