I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
