Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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