Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
that may or may not have been my penis.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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