So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
