just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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