this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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