I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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