im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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