I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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