these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize