Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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