OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
