We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize