i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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