There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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