I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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