I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
