Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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