wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
