She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
