Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
this hospital has no fireball
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize