The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
