I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
