why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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