what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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