Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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