if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
