Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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