I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
