Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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