It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
