her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
