Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry dstone905 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(330): View more from Ohio

now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me

Fav 6 3143 936
share tweet
(740): View more from Ohio

He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"

Fav 6 3892 968
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(201): View more from New Jersey

My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.

Fav 8 2216 1650
share tweet
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.

Fav 8 2574 949
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night

Fav 9 2016 777
share tweet
(302): View more from Delaware

Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,

Fav 2 757 1188
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(615): View more from Tennessee

Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.

(615): View more from Tennessee

And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass

Fav 0 925 568
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(620): View more from Kansas

You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...

Fav 2 220 490
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.

Fav 0 33 13
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT