If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
