You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
