It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
