1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
