Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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