I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
