My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
