9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
