Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
