conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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